


I’m the Real Baller

by wonxas



Series: new phone who dis [5]
Category: Big Bang (Band), EXO (Band), GOT7, SEVENTEEN (Band), SHINee, TWICE (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS, 소녀시대 | Girls' Generation | SNSD
Genre: Dancers, Gen, Texting, and i need help, chat fic, do any of you know how to change the voice on google translate, i forgot to tag snsd don’t @ me, i got nothing to do on tuesday since vbs over, i wrote thins while listening to rockstar so it might be thotish, like i have an idea for once, oh yeah, surprise guys
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2019-01-22 17:07:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12486624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonxas/pseuds/wonxas
Summary: peach: this topic upsets me(or lick them abs sooooooon)





	1. Everyone Loves my Bias

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **bae:** he’s so pure
> 
>  **i hit that stage:** he’s not even the youngest
> 
>  **hobi!!!!:** i feel the urge to protecc
> 
>  **nini:** ????

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey hoes i mean readers thanks for all dat support i love you all even if we’re all trash
> 
> also surprise also if you want to be friends because i’m lonely hmu but spoiler alert!!! i’m taken and gay af (maybe that’s why it’s easy writing this lol)
> 
> FOLLOW ME ON INSTA @ LORDTENEBROSUNGJIN I MADE IT JUST FOR YALL YOU BETTER RESPECT SMH ITLL HAVE FANFIC UPDATES
> 
> un-beta’ed

**i hit that stage added hobi!!!!, nini, taeminne, chips, bae, dance queen, and peach to abs**

**i hit that stage:** ;)))))

 **nini:** ???

**hobi!!!!:** j a c k s o n s t o p

**taeminnie:** it’s okay jongin

**nini:** taemin!

**taeminnie:** jongin!

**dance queen:** y’all cute

**peach:** and ripped

**chips:** what’s dis

**nini:** yixing!!!!!

**bae:** he’s so pure

**i hit that stage:** he’s not even the youngest

**hobi!!!!:** i feel the urge to protecc

**nini:** ????

**chips:** the rest of exos gonna kill y’all 

**taeminnie:** right

**dance queen:** hey jongin

**nini:** yes?

**dance queen:** why are you called the hoe of exo you’re so cute and fluffy

**nini:** it’s my dancing

**nini:** but i am a hoe for cuddles 

**bae:** cuddles???

**nini:** yes!!!

**bae:** brb calling my chauffeur for you

**taeminnie:** damn son get some 

**hobi!!!!:** im telling kyungsoo and sehun

**peach:** someone’s gonna die today

**i hit that stage:** good luck youngbae

**dance queen:** you better move fast

**chips:** Get drunk with this strange mood  
You can let yourself go  
But you can’t escape from me  
Right now, when we’ve become so listless  
So your neatly brushed hair can get tangled  
Leave it alone, you’re beautiful, oh oh  
Even if your proper stance becomes loosened  
It’s alright, look straight at me, oh yeah

The moves are starting again, under the dark lights  
Your elegant gestures, secretive looks  
You reflect on the clear window, your flickering moves  
With this strange feeling, this breathtaking attraction

(You got got the rhythm  
You got got the rhythm)  
Under the dark lights  
Your moves captivate me  
Your elegant gestures, secretive looks

For a moment,  
I erased everything  
Only relying on my sight  
With awe, oh oh, I’m only looking at you

So your carefully applied makeup can smudge  
Leave it alone, you’re beautiful, oh oh  
Even if your crisp shirt gets all wrinkled  
It’s alright, look straight at me, eh eh yeah

The moves are starting again, under the dark lights  
Your elegant gestures, secretive looks  
You reflect on the clear window, your flickering moves  
With this strange feeling, this breathtaking attraction

(You got got the rhythm  
You got got the rhythm)  
Your moves captivate me under the dark lights  
Your elegant gestures, secretive looks

Not a single face expression, not a single sentence  
Can express all of you  
Because we’re perfect just the way we are  
Don’t even worry at all  
Just like that, repeat  
Just like that, repeat

(You got got the rhythm  
You got got the rhythm)  
Your moves captivate me under the dark lights  
Your elegant gestures, secretive looks

(You got got the rhythm  
You got got the rhythm)  
Your moves captivate me under the dark lights  
Your elegant gestures, secretive looks

(You got got the rhythm  
You got got the rhythm)  
(You got got the rhythm  
You got got the rhythm)

**nini:** guys he wasn’t kidding

**nini:** there’s a car at the dorm

**nini:** tell chanyeol i found the el dorado

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it’s so hard to get comments these days smh vote day6 best band


	2. me likey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **dance queen:** me likey
> 
> **peach:** what

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m bored and i have limited data also i’m depressed so what’s new
> 
> un-beta’ed

_{abs}  
[4:07]_

**dance queen:** me likey

 **peach:** what

**dance queen:** My heart’s fluttering, me likey  
Me likey likey likey  
Me likey likey likey  
Rub dub rub dub, heart heart  
Me likey  
Me likey likey likey  
Me likey likey likey  
Rub dub rub dub  
I keep wanting to show you  
Every little thing, each and every one  
In that small screen  
I want to look the prettiest  
But I’m still hiding these feelings in my heart

Getting all dolled up  
Is so annoying  
But I can’t just be careless  
Every day, you make my heart race  
But you can’t find out  
So I’ll blatantly

Put on BB cream, pat pat pat  
Put on lipstick, mam mam ma  
Shall I make a pretty pose for the camera?  
Look at this and smile for me  
And please press it  
On the bottom, that cute and red  
Heart heart

But it’s so typical to say I like you  
It’s not enough to express my heart  
But I like you, I can’t even sleep  
I don’t care if I run late

My heart’s fluttering, me likey  
Me likey likey likey  
Me likey likey likey  
Rub dub rub dub, heart heart  
Me likey  
Me likey likey likey  
Me likey likey likey  
Rub dub rub dub, heart heart

I’m holding in my breath so I can zip up  
Pulling it over my waist once more  
All done, baby  
There are so many  
Pretty clothes in this world

Put on BB cream, pat pat pat  
Put on lipstick, mam mam ma  
Shall I make a pretty pose for the camera?  
Look at this and smile for me  
And please press it  
On the bottom, that cute and red  
Heart heart

But it’s so typical to say I like you  
It’s not enough to express my heart  
But I like you, I can’t even sleep  
I don’t care if I run late

I’m just looking at you  
But I couldn’t say anything  
Come a little closer  
Please know my heart  
I don’t wanna hide it anymore

I feel down today  
I try to act like I’m not but people ask if I’m sad  
I’m upset because you’re not reacting at all  
And my senseless friends  
Keep calling me to come out

Oh wait, wait  
I’m finally getting something from you  
All day, my mood goes back and forth  
Up and down, now I’m dancing

My heart’s fluttering, me likey  
Me likey likey likey  
Me likey likey likey  
Rub dub rub dub, heart heart  
Me likey  
Me likey likey likey  
Me likey likey likey  
Rub dub rub dub, heart heart

**peach:** ahhhhh!!!!!

**peach:** i’d send back song lyrics and the thing is i’m bored 

**peach:** but i’m also depressed

**dance queen:** big mood

**peach:** so now i’m just listening to day6

**dance queen:** stan day6 stan talent

**peach:** ayyy

**dance queen:** ayyyy

**peach:** how do depressed people get up in the morning like i can’t

**dance queen:** idk ask the author

**kermit:** you think i know,,,, day6  
**this message was unsent. would you like to try again? yes _no_**

**peach:** day6

**dance queen:** and twice

**peach:** too much praise

**dance queen:** likey was amazing and i can’t express my love for it i mean you choreographed part of it how much better could it get but no you d a b b e d...

_[cut for length]_

**peach:** im blushing

**peach:** and yes we dabbed that was my favorite part thank you very much 

**dance queen:** Lean and dab, lean and dab  
Lean and dab, lean and dab  
Lean and dab, lean and dab  
Lean and dab, lean and dab  
Lean and dab, lean and dab  
Lean and dab, lean and dab  
Lean and dab, lean and dab  
Lean and dab, lean and dab  
Wake up in the morning then I dab  
Had to pull up on the block 'cause today I get to whip  
And you know my top drop and my car’s name is nae-nae  
Had to hit the Quan 'cause today is a good day  
Slide to the left, slide to the right  
Walk it to the front, bop it to the back  
Slide to the left, slide to the right  
Walk it to the front, bop it to the back  
Lean and dab, lean and dab  
Lean and dab, lean and dab  
Lean and dab, lean and dab  
Lean and dab, lean and dab  
Lean and dab, lean and dab  
Lean and dab, lean and dab  
Lean and dab, lean and dab  
Lean and dab, lean and dab  
Slide to the left, slide to the left  
Slide to the left, hold on hit the folks  
Slide to the right, slide to the right  
Slide to the right, make it drop  
Walk it to the front, walk it to the front  
Walk it to the front, watch me whip  
Bop it to the back, bop it to the back  
Bop it to the back, nae-nae, nae-nae  
Nah, let me keep going  
Show you how I lean, then dab  
Nice shoes, car clean 'cause it’s sunny outside  
That mean I pull up with my top down  
I don’t have a top now  
Mama told me never leave the house without my nightgown  
Mama I’m on BET so I can act hyped now  
On 'em like the WWE and lay the smackdown  
That’s a lot to handle, how could he manage?  
Mr. Hit the Quan went viral, gigantic  
Hold up wait face it, go ahead pump your brakes fast  
Always used to dodge cops, riding around with no plate tags  
But they can never catch me, driving like a taxi  
Waiting on my taxes, lights camera action  
Feelin' like Michael Jackson, loafers and a jacket  
Take it but I’m matching, y’all not in my bracket  
It’s iHeart Memphis but I also love dabbing  
I done took off on 'em, I feel like a pilot  
I done took off on 'em, I don’t care bout the mileage  
I’m so VIP all I know is private  
I’ll take the steak, the shrimp, and the salad  
'Cause growing up in Memphis, Tennessee I couldn’t have it  
Now come correct  
Lean and dab, lean and dab  
Lean and dab, lean and dab  
Lean and dab, lean and dab  
Lean and dab, lean and dab  
(Lean and dab, lean and dab  
Lean and dab, lean and dab  
Lean and dab, lean and dab  
Lean and dab, lean and dab)  
Hit the Quan on 'em, hit the Quan on 'em  
Hit the Quan on 'em, hit the Quan on 'em  
Snap 'em up, pose, snap 'em up, pose  
Snap 'em up, pose, snap 'em up, pose  
Chop-a-chop chopped salad, chop-a-chop chop  
Chop-a-chop chopped salad, chop-a-chop chop  
You can google me, you can google me  
You can google me, you can google me

**peach:** do you regret

**dance queen:** maybe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my love for day6 will never get old


	3. fake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **god:** you fucked up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys this one’s short but full of venting,,, “boys” just need to,,, learn that some of the things they,,, regardless of who they are and if this is fiction or it,,, are absolute bullshit god damnit
> 
> (im using the term boys to mean people with dicks)
> 
> un-beta’ed

_{abs}  
[19:12]_

**i hit that stage:** i wonder what it’s like to have a period

 **peach:** no you don’t

 **i hit that stage:** but ??? i do ???

 **dance queen:** no you don’t

 **nini:** who will win? my bets on the girls

 **taeminnie:** same!!!

 **hobi!!!:** yugyeom,,, he has an interesting argument

 **bae:** i too agree with hoseok

 **chips:** i just,,,, i’ve been through a period simulator,,, so i won’t pick sides yet

 **peach** : you want to have,,, blood,,,, i can’t even 

**peach:** this topic upsets me

 **peach:** i have to overexert my body for a week every month

 **peach:** even when it feels like i’m d y i n g

 **i hit that stage:** it can’t be as bad as getting hit in the nuts

 **dance queen:** it fucking does you piece of shit

 **dance queen:** you want to tell me,,, the person who goes through this every month that it hurts???? my boobs hurt, my vag hurts, and my uterus is trying to kill me

 **chips:** hyoyeon is right

 **chips:** it fucking hurts

 **chips:** you just don’t notice the dance mistakes because twice probably has synced cycles and same with snsd

 **peach:** he’s right

 **peach:** i just

 **nini:** you want me to come over

 **peach:** yeah 

**nini:** i’ll bring chocolate and hyoyeon !!!

 **peach:** thank you jongin

 **peach:** and fuck you yugyeom

 **i hit that stage:** what’d i do????

_[ **god** has entered the chat]_

**god:** you fucked up

_[ **god** has left the chat]_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> he did fuck up i would have punched him like no you don’t wonder you laugh and say “no it’s not that bad hahahha!!!!”


	4. love in its truest form

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **nini:** holy shit
> 
> **nini:** i love you zhang yixing
> 
> **chips:** and me, you, kim jongin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooo,,, sorry its short,,,andlate,,, but thats besides the point!!! 
> 
> i just wanted to say that poetry is anbery important par of my life and i wanted to share it with y’all but is it mine ahhahaha who knows lol
> 
> un-beta’ed

_{abs}  
[22:44]_

**chips:** people think  
dance is easy  
because it is expressive,  
your own.

it is nothing close  
to easy.  
it is an art  
that should be taken seriously.

fluid and sharp  
angles.  
smooth and flowing  
turns.

it shows us  
who you are  
and what type of person  
you see yourself as.

you may be good,  
and you may be bad  
but the only thing that matters,  
is being true to yourself.

expression  
is everything  
to people  
these days.

dance,  
is the strongest way  
to show your true self  
and personality.

writing might be your thing  
but lying is essential for your  
truths and opinions.  
it is easy to lie.

you may sing,  
and while it is true  
that singing holds your spirit,  
it doesn’t hold your heart.

it’s not like dance.  
dance is something  
everyone can do.  
dance is priceless.

you can be  
tone deaf.  
and you can  
lack writing skills.

you can’t be bad at dance.  
you can only start like you  
and achieve higher goals.  
you can achieve higher standards. 

your style may change,  
but that’s only because  
you changed  
as a person.

the sole way  
we can stay true to ourselves  
this through dance.  
something everyone can do.

**nini:** i love it when you write

**chips:** ill write you something else then

**chips:** tough as a bear  
but sweet as honey  
this is what  
my light is.

my light is kind  
and caring,  
but scared  
and lonely too.

they fight  
for what they believe in,  
but they still  
flinch at disturbing thoughts.

said thoughts  
cloud their mind  
making the light  
dimmer. dull.

soon, i am not able  
to see my light.  
but i wait  
for i know it will come back.

i wait for days  
and weeks.  
i will always wait  
because they wait for me.

waiting for them is like waiting  
for the sun to rise again.  
you know it will rise  
but you are still impatient.

everytime,  
i always wait.  
i will never stop waiting  
when they get dull.

they need time  
and i know this.  
i don’t complain  
because of this.

they come back  
one day.  
they come home,  
come home to me.

i greet them  
with smile,  
telling them  
i missed them.

i miss them  
all the time.  
even if they are here  
with me.

they are worth  
more than they think  
and what other think,  
but only i matter.

they are my light  
and i am their solace.  
they are my eighty-eight,  
and i am their ten.

**nini:** holy shit

**nini:** i love you zhang yixing

**chips:** and me, you, kim jongin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who knows if this was written by me or not??? because we all know i have no capability of writing like this smh


	5. my favorite movie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **chips:** why’d you do soonyoung dirty hansol,,,, why

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MY MAIN MAN SOONYOUNG IS ADDED BITCHES AHAHAHHAHA
> 
> un-beta’ed

_{abs}  
[19:29]_

_[ **i hit that stage** added **best boy** to **abs** ]_

**best boy:** Now where would you keep  
a prized tail,  
if you collected them,  
if that was your hobby?  
I'd probably hang it over  
the mantelpiece.  
Right. Good. In fact...  
what's that smell?  
Ever tasted one of Mrs. Bean's famous  
nutmeg-ginger-apple-snaps?  
Well, I didn't do.  
They are still warm.  
\- We got it wrong.  
\- What?  
It's not over the mantelpiece...  
The necktie.  
\- Let's go. What?  
\- Hang on. I wanna do more.  
\- She's there!  
\- She can't see.  
Look at each other.  
Here we are. Wow!  
Now I've already had too much to drink,  
and I'm feeling sentimental,  
but I'm gonna say something, anyway,  
which nobody wants to admit,  
...but I think is probably true.  
We beat them.  
We beat those farmers,  
and now we're triumphantly eating  
...their roasted chicken,  
their sizzling duck,  
...their succulent turkey,  
their foie gras de...  
\- Where did the boys go?  
\- What? Where?  
\- Ash? Kristofferson?  
\- Boys?  
Oh, my God! That was crazy!  
I can't believe what just happened in there.  
Come on, let's go out of here!  
Let's go!  
Where are we? Where are we?  
Where are we? What?  
Kristofferson?  
What am I hearing again, baby?  
What's happening?  
Am I still paranoid?  
Cider?  
What just happened?  
Something with cider.  
That was dangerous.  
\- Is anyone hurt?  
\- We're all hurt!  
My entire flint-mine just got demolished.  
Apple juice.  
Apple juice flood.  
Let's do a head-count!  
Everybody pick a buddy!  
Where did the boys go?  
\- Ash?  
\- Ash?  
Kristofferson? Ash!?  
I'm here!  
Ash! Who's your buddy?  
\- Kristofferson.  
\- Where is he?  
\- I don't know.  
\- Why not?  
\- I lost him!  
\- You lost him?  
\- I, uh, I was in the kitchen...  
\- Where were you?  
\- We were trying to find the necktie.  
\- What are you talking about?  
\- It's my fault.  
\- Oh, no.  
Where did you that  
nutmeg-ginger-apple-snap?  
And why are you wearing that  
fake bandit hat!?  
We went to steal back your tail.  
\- Kristofferson! Kristofferson!  
\- Kristofferson! Kristofferson!  
Wrap this wet, little mutt  
in a newspaper...  
...and put him in a box with  
some holes punched in the top.  
There's only one way out of this sewer,  
but the manhole cover's closed,  
...and there's a station wagon  
parked on it.  
Which means we're permanently  
stuck down here.  
You still think we beat them, Foxy?  
Badger's right.  
These farmers aren't gonna quit  
until they catch me.  
I shouldn't have lied to your face.  
I shouldn't have fallen off  
the wagon...  
...and started secretly  
stealing chickens on the sly.  
I shouldn't have pushed these farmers  
so far and tried to embarrass them  
...and cuss with their heads.  
I enjoyed it,  
but I shouldn't have done it.  
And now theres only one way out.  
Maybe if I hand myself over  
and let them kill me,  
...stuff me, and hang me  
over their mantelpiece.  
You'll do no such thing.  
Darling, maybe they'll let  
everyone else live.  
Oh, why did you have to get us  
into this, Foxy?  
I don't know,  
but I have a possible theory.  
I think I have this thing where I  
need everybody to think...  
I'm the greatest...  
the quote-unquote fantastic Mr. Fox.  
And if they aren't completely  
knocked-out and dazzled,  
...and kind of intimidated  
by me, then...  
I don't feel good about myself.  
Foxes traditionally like to  
court danger, hunt prey,  
...and outsmart predators.  
And that's what I'm actually good at!  
I think, at the end of the day,  
I'm just...  
I know.  
We're wild animals.  
I guess we always were.  
I promise you,  
if I had all this to do over again,  
I'd have never let you down.  
It was always more fun  
when we did it together, anyway.  
\- I love you, Felicity.  
\- I love you, too.  
But I shouldn't have married you.  
Did I ever tell you about the time  
I learned we were gonna have a cub?  
\- In the fox-trap.  
\- Right.  
\- We were at gunpoint, and your mother...  
\- said she's pregnant.  
Let me tell it, okay?  
I had no idea how we were gonna  
get out of this jam, and...  
...then it hit me: what do foxes do better  
than any other animal?  
\- Dig.  
\- You're stepping on my lines.  
Right, keep telling it.  
So we dug. And the whole time  
I put paw over paw,  
...scooping dirt and pebbles with  
your mother digging like crazy beside me,  
I kept wondering:  
who is this little boy gonna be?  
\- Or girl.  
\- Or girl, right.  
Because at that point we didn't know.  
Ash, I'm so glad he was you.  
It's not your fault...  
it's mine.  
Goodbye.  
Well, I guess we should, uh...  
...probably split into a  
certain number of groups...  
...and start doing something, right?  
Can I have a glass of water?  
Excuse me!  
Excuse me?  
Kristofferson?  
Hello?  
Can you hear us?  
Kristofferson?  
They got the boy.  
They want to trade the son  
for his poppa.  
Why'd they write this in letters  
cut out of magazines?  
To protect their identities.  
Oh, right, but then  
why did they sign their names?  
Plus, we already knew who they were  
because they're trying to kill us.  
Mr. Fox, we have your son.  
If you ever want to see him  
alive again...  
You took the wrong fox.  
I'm his son.  
I can see the resemblance.  
What's that?  
\- Help!  
Come on, man!  
Come on!  
Look at you, girl!  
You're still as fine looking  
as a creme brulee.  
Am I being flirted with  
by a psychotic rat?  
Excuse me, may I cut-in?  
The boy is locked in an apple crate  
on top of a gunlocker...  
...in the attic of Bean Annex.  
Would you have told me  
if I didn't kill you first?  
Never.  
All these wasted years.  
What were you looking for, Rat?  
He's trying to say something, Dad.  
Cider.  
Here you are, Rat.  
A beaker of Bean's finest secret cider.  
Like melted gold.  
He redeemed himself.  
Redemption? Sure.  
But, in the end he's just  
another dead rat...  
...in a garbage pail behind  
a Chinese restaurant.  
He might been...  
Yes, he did.  
My suicide mission's been canceled.  
We're replacing it with a  
go-for-broke rescue mission.  
In a way, I'm almost glad  
that flood interrupted us,  
...because I don't like  
the toast I was giving.  
I'm gonna start over.  
When I look down this table  
with the exquisite feast set before us,  
I see, two terrific lawyers,  
a skilled pediatrician,  
...a wonderful chef,  
a savvy real estate agent,  
...an excellent tailor, a crack  
accountant, a gifted musician,  
...a pretty good minnow fisherman,  
and possibly...  
...the best landscape painter  
working on the scene today.  
Maybe a few of you might even read  
my column from time to time.  
Who knows?  
I tend to doubt it.  
I also see a room full of wild animals.  
Wild animals with true natures  
and pure talents.  
Wild animals with  
scientific sounding Latin names...  
...that means something  
about our D.N.A.  
Wild animals each with his own strengths  
and weaknesses due to his or her species.  
Anyway, I think it may very well be  
all the beautiful differences among us  
that just might give us the tiniest glimmer  
of a chance of saving my nephew  
and letting me make it up to you for getting  
us into this crazy whatever-it-is.  
I don't know. It's just a thought.  
Thank you for listening.  
Cheers, everyone.  
Let's eat!  
What? I was just playing  
along with the pitch he was doing.  
Will you join me?  
I will.  
Go ahead.  
Thank you.  
Alright! Let's start planning!  
Who knows shorthand?  
Great! Linda! Lutra Lutra!  
You got some dry paper?  
Here we go.  
Mole! Talpa Europea!  
What do you got?  
\- I can see in the dark?  
\- That's incredible! We can use that!  
\- Linda?  
\- Got it.  
\- Rabbit! Oryctolagus Cuniculus!  
\- I'm fast.  
\- You bet you're! Linda?  
\- Got it.  
\- Beaver! Castor Fiber!  
\- I can chew through wood.  
\- Amazing! Linda?  
\- Got it.  
\- Badger! Meles Meles!  
\- Demolitions expert!  
What? Since when?  
\- Explosions, flames, burning things!  
\- Demolitions expert!  
\- Okay! Linda?  
\- Got it.  
\- Weasel! Mustela Nivalis!  
\- Stop yelling!  
Alright!  
Alright, Ash, you get these  
little kids organized  
...and put together some kind of a K.P. unit  
or something to keep this sewer clean.  
It's good for morale.  
Done! What's K.P?  
I think it means janitors.  
Hey! Hey!  
Mate, over here! Hey!  
I wanna go with you, too.  
I wanna fight.  
Good. Fabulous!  
Microtus Pennsylvanicus!  
I didn't get a job yet or a Latin name.  
What's my strength?  
Listen, you're Kylie.  
You're an unbelievably nice guy.  
Your job is really just to...  
be available, I think.  
I don't know your Latin name.  
I doubt they even had opossums  
in ancient Rome.  
It's stupendous.  
Where's us?  
\- Right here.  
\- Paint an X.  
Dear Farmers Boggis, Bunce, and Bean,  
I have no alternative  
but to agree to your terms.  
Move the station wagon...  
...and open the manhole cover  
below the foot of the drainpipe...  
...next to the cobbler's shop and  
meet me there today at 10 a. m. sharp.  
I will hand myself over to you  
in exchange for the boy's safe return.  
Cordially, Mr. Fox.  
Why'd he write this in letters  
cut out of magazines?  
I don't know,  
but you did the same thing.  
I don't trust this guy.  
Anyway, set up the ambush.  
The time is now nine forty-five a. m.  
Here, put these bandit hats on.  
Did you bring the boy?  
Of course, we did!  
Say something, kid!  
Excuse me! Excuse me?  
Come on! That doesn't sound  
anything like him!  
It's amateur night in Dixie!  
What the cuss is he burning?  
Boggis, Bunce, and Bean.  
One fat, one short, one lean.  
Is that all you've got, Mr. Fox?  
Boggis, Bunce, and Bean.  
One fat, one short, one lean.  
These horrible crooks,  
so different in looks,  
...were nonetheless equally mean.  
It's unclear, whether the...  
These horrible crooks,  
so different in looks,  
...were nonetheless equally mean.  
Boggis, Bunce, and Bean.  
One fat, one short, one lean.  
These horrible crooks,  
so different in looks,  
...were nonetheless equally mean.  
Boggis, Bunce, and Bean.  
One fat, one short, one lean.  
Twenty-eight pinecones fired!  
Twenty-two targets hit.  
...phase! Go!  
\- Yes, sir.  
Da... Dad's on fire.  
\- Foxy, you're on.  
\- We are ready.  
I'm gonna find him,  
I'm gonna bring him back.  
I know, you will.  
Contact!  
Are you scared of wolves?  
Scared, no!  
I have a phobia of them!  
Well, I have a thing about thunder!  
\- Why? That's stupid!  
\- I don't like needles myself!  
Where did you come from again?  
How did you get in the sidecar?  
I feel like I'm losing my mind!  
I've got a fox on a motorcycle  
with a littler fox and, uh...  
...what looks like to be an opossum  
in the sidecar riding north on farm lane 7.  
Does that sound like  
anything to anybody?  
Red, it's Franklin Bean!  
Turn around,  
get the cuss back here,  
...and pick us up on the A.S.A.P!  
Kylie, you got a credit card?  
\- Sure.  
See, this is what  
I was saying about...  
...how good you are  
at just being available for...  
A Titanium Card?  
How the cuss did you qualify for this?  
I pay my bills on time.  
I've always had good credit.  
\- Come on.  
\- Wait a second.  
What's this thing you do?  
The whistle with the clicking sound.  
What do you mean?  
That's my trademark.  
Give me a blueberry.  
\- What?  
\- Blueberry.  
\- You didn't say...  
\- You forgot the blueberries?  
I did say it!  
I wrote it on your paw!  
Yeah, it's written...  
What's that white stuff  
around his mouth?  
I think he eats soap.  
That's not soap.  
\- Well, then why does he have that bubbly...  
\- He's rabid. With rabies.  
I've heard about this beagle.  
You two go ahead  
while I distract him.  
Who? Huh! What!?  
I can fit through there.  
\- Hm?  
You wanna know why?  
Why?  
Because I'm little.  
Give me that shoelace.  
It's me.  
I'm rescuing you.  
\- I've got mixed feelings about that.  
\- I don't blame you.  
Can you give me a karate lesson  
real quick?  
Okay. Stand like this.  
Position yourself on the balls of your feet.  
Close your eyes.  
You weigh less than a slice of bread.  
I feel like there's a tenderness  
in your eyes, isn't there?  
Yes, I'm right.  
Let's review the principle of  
... techniques:  
...jumping, flipping, landing.  
You're a good boy.  
A little lonely, maybe, but...  
...terribly sweet.  
Is your name Spitz?  
That's German, isn't it?  
Now for a rudimentary version  
of the cyclone chop.  
First, you need to get a running start,  
which obviously, I can't do in here,  
...then, as you arrive at the  
destination of the chop...  
...lean and thrust  
into the point of contact,  
...paw remains open and straight,  
then withdraw instantaneously.  
Remember, it's the pull back  
that matters.  
The pull back generates  
the force of the impact.  
Got it.  
Yeah, I'm just gonna chop  
this thing right off.  
He's gonna do it!  
Why, you're just as sweet as...  
I thought he said: never look  
a beagle in the eye.  
Did... Did you chop it?  
Oh, no! No! No!  
Kristofferson?  
Kristofferson!  
I'm okay.  
I'm okay.  
\- I'm sorry.  
\- That's alright.  
You were just trying to  
unlock the apple crate.  
No, I mean, Im sorry about...  
Oh, you mean from before.  
The apology you owed me  
which you never actually said.  
Right. I'm grumpy.  
I spit. I wake up  
on the wrong side of the bed.  
I'm just...  
...different, apparently.  
But... it won't happen again.  
Kristofferson, I'm sorry.  
That's alright, too.  
Throw me the shoelace, please.  
Are you okay?  
He's wearing it.  
Your tractors uprooted my tree.  
Your posse hunted my family.  
Your gunmen kidnapped my nephew.  
Your rat insulted my wife...  
...and you shot off my tail.  
I'm not leaving here  
without that neck tie.  
Kill him!  
Actually, we should just go.  
Where did I park?  
I weigh less than a slice of bread.  
\- What?  
\- I'll be right back.  
Ash!?  
Dodge the grabbers,  
duck the taggers,  
...jump the twig basket and...  
...knock the cedar-stick  
off the cross-rock.  
Hot box!  
Boggis, Bunce, and Bean.  
One fat, one short, one lean.  
These horrible crooks,  
so different in looks,  
...were nonetheless equally mean.  
Boggis, Bunce, and Bean.  
One fat, one short, one lean.  
These horrible crooks,  
so different in looks,  
...were nonetheless equally mean.  
Boggis, Bunce, and Bean.  
One fat, one short, one lean.  
These horrible crooks,  
so different in looks,  
...were nonetheless equally mean.  
Ash, that was pure,  
wild animal craziness.  
You're an athlete.  
Here, put this bandit hat on.  
Goggles!  
Boggis, Bunce, and Bean.  
One fat, one short, one lean.  
These horrible crooks,  
so different in looks,  
...were nonetheless equally mean.  
Boggis, Bunce, and Bean.  
One fat, one short, one lean.  
Are you gonna...?  
Holy swearing cuss!  
Petey! Bring us a ladder, please.  
Stand by!  
I just intercepted a high frequency  
radio signal with the can.  
And I think they're on their way home!  
Don't turn around.  
\- What?  
Where did he come from?  
Where did you come from?  
What are you doing here?  
Canis lupus!  
Vulpes Vulpes!  
I don't think he speaks  
English or Latin.  
Pensez-vous que I'hiver sera rude?  
I'm asking if he thinks  
we're in for a hard winter.  
He doesn't seem to know.  
I have a phobia of wolves!  
What a beautiful creature.  
Wish him luck, boys.  
\- Good luck.  
\- Good luck out there.  
These three, in this reporter's opinion,  
obsessed farmers...  
...remain convinced the fox in question  
will eventually reappear.  
Why?  
Because foxes aren't meant  
to live in a sewer.  
\- They're refugees.  
\- All they have to eat down there is...  
Trash!  
And not much of it.  
Thank you, farmers.  
For Action Twelve,  
this is Dan Peabody.  
What are we looking at?  
\- It's just his tonsils. They're little swelled.  
\- Oh, is it serious?  
\- No, hopefully, he wants to lose them.  
\- Lose the tonsils?  
\- Let's...  
\- I'm hungry.  
\- Well, have some water. Here.  
I like walking.  
My darlings?  
\- Where are we going?  
\- Nobody knows.  
We were in the middle  
of a meditation practice.  
Watch your step.  
Let's see, now.  
Where does this lead?  
\- Oh, no, Foxy. It's filthy.  
\- Keep a good grip, everyone.  
\- This better be worth it.  
\- I think I see...  
...a little sliver of light.  
What's this?  
\- Is it a door?  
\- You're a terrible actor, Foxy.  
Do you smell something?  
Is that... freon?  
I'm gonna crack open  
this trap door...  
...and see if something's  
on the other side.  
I highly doubt it, though.  
There's probably just more sewer.  
\- You know, wouldn't it be surprising if  
\- Open it.  
Hey, look! There's a whole,  
enormous, glorious,  
...gigantic supermarket up here!  
And they close early on weekends.  
You really are kind of  
a quote-unquote fantastic fox.  
I try.  
Get enough to share with everybody,  
and remember...  
...the Rabbits are vegetarians, and  
Badger's supposedly can't eat walnuts.  
I guess now that Kristofferson's dad's  
already down to single pneumonia...  
...and getting better, he'll be  
going home soon, huh?  
Actually, when he spoke to me  
from the hospital, he said...  
...he was already talking to Weasel  
about real estate availabilities  
...down in our sewer system.  
Oh, really?  
Well, now's the time to buy.  
Okay, I get it.  
Is that your trademark?  
I'm pregnant again.  
Wow!  
I think we're both glowing.  
Do another toast, Dad.  
Okay. Let's see.  
Yeah. Right.  
Okay!  
They say all foxes are  
slightly allergic to linoleum.  
But it's cool to the paw.  
Try it.  
They say my tail needs to be  
dry cleaned twice a month...  
...but now its fully detachable.  
See?  
They say our tree  
may never grow back.  
But, one day, something will.  
Yes, these crackles are made out of  
synthetic goose,  
...and these Giblets come  
from artificial squab.  
And even these apples look fake...  
...but at least they've got  
stars on them.  
I guess my point is...  
we'll eat tonight,  
and we'll eat together,  
...and even in this  
not particularly flattering light,  
...you are without a doubt,  
the five-and-a-half...  
...most wonderful wild animals  
I've ever met...  
...in my life.  
So let's raise our boxes.  
To our...  
...survival!  
How was that?  
That was a good toast.  
Well there she goes  
with a brand new love affair  
Dancing with him like  
she don't even care  
Well let her dance with him,  
let her dance all night long  
Well who would've known  
that just yesterday  
She danced with me the very same way  
Well let her dance with him,  
let her dance all night long

 **chips:** why’d you do soonyoung dirty hansol,,,, why

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love this song


	6. cultered gay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **chips:** no i am
> 
> **chips:** im chinese
> 
> **chips:** AND
> 
> **chips:** the ninth member of exo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for someone very special to me, SHO WONT STOP ASKING FOR MORE YIXING WHAT DO YOU WANT!???!??
> 
> un-beta’ed

_{abs}  
[20:35]_

**i hit that stage:** i wonder how jongin goes on dates

 **chips:** wow i wonder how inconsiderate a person could be!

**i hit that stage:** im sorry!!

**i hit that stage:** but i really do

**taeminnie:** we go on dates with everyone

**taeminnie:** i do say i get sad sometimes since i don’t live with them

**taeminnie:** bUt I LoVe tHEm

**best boy:** hA GAY

**dance queen:** isn’t everyone

**bae:** i am not

**bae:** i am

**bae:** token straight™

_[ **hobi!!!!** changed **bae** ’s name to **token straight™** ]_

**token straight™:** i saw that c o m i n g

 **token straight™:** BITCH

**chips:** the hell

**nini:** ZHANG YIXING

**nini:** YOU CAN’T CURSE :/

**chips:** im older than you though

**nini:** :///////////

**chips:** okay i’m sorry

**peach:** that was very……….

**peach:** exbooberant

**best boy:** GAY

**peach:** damn circle

**token straight™:** i am the minority

**chips:** no i am

**chips:** im chinese

**chips:** AND

**chips:** the ninth member of exo

**dance queen:** gay culture

**i hit that stage:** bIYCJ I SUCK DICK ON THEM TUESDAYSSSSS AYYYYYYYEEYEYETET

**nini:** whTsuvk FUCK

**chips:** GOD DMSN IT

**nini:** yIXING

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> herheyyeyey butcheued


	7. back at it again bitches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **hobi!!!!**  
>  i love you yixing!!!
> 
> **chips**  
>  love you too hobi!!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dedicated to that one person who i gave poetry to, you know who you are hope you have a glod day you’ll go amazing
> 
> also i have no idea where my creativity spouts from so yeah,,,,, hopefully more/no more poetry ??? idk ???? depends on what yall want
> 
> un-beta’sd

**abs  
[22:34]**

**chips**  
_trauma_

ropes  
hold me back.  
i can’t achieve  
my dream  
when i’m stuck,  
in a group  
i don’t belong.

i’m lonely,  
drowning; suffocating.  
fans are my life,  
my friends  
because i lost those  
by choice.

a perfect bed set  
kept in my room.  
it’s unuseable  
for the memories that it holds  
are too real to remember.

empty  
is what i see when i look around.  
everything is empty.  
i can’t function.  
i’m elusive.

trauma is reality;  
it bonds us to everyone.

120517

**best boy**  
fuckinnnnn love my hiphop unit

**chips**  
whats a hiphop unit

**nini**  
here we go again

**peach**  
if it makes you feel any better, i love the performance unit and the hiphop unit!!!

**best boy**  
<3333

**best boy**  
meet me behind the fuckinnnnn

**best boy**  
waffle house china’s bitch

**token straight™**  
i loved our poem yixing

**token straight™**  
even if it looked like the hiphop units song….

**chips**  
why am i being attacked :((((

**hobi!!!!**  
i love you yixing!!!

**chips**  
love you too hobi!!!!!

**[chips’ display name is now poet]**

**poet**  
thank you

**taeminnie**  
i dont write poetry because im not a nerd ahahhahaa losers

**poet**  
:((((((

**nini**  
:(((((((

**taeminnie**  
you’re great yixing im sorry

**poet**  
:)))))))

**dance queen**  
i wish i could write like that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ive always imagined that exos good at poetry but we all know thats not true :)))


	8. late chrysler

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **hobi!!!**  
>  merry crisis!!!
> 
> **peach**  
>  christmas was yesterday though….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lololol sorry for,,,,, very late update (FUCK THIS NEEDED TO BE UPDATED TODAY HELL NO FUCK OFF) but i’ll pull together another chapter (maybe just poetry) for y’all by tomorrow

**abs  
[23:03]**

**hobi!!!**  
merry crisis!!!

**peach**  
christmas was yesterday though….

**hobi!!!!**  
m e r r y c r i s i s

**dance queen**  
she has a point

**hobi!!!!**  
M E R R Y C R I S I S

**poet**  
merry christmas hoseok!!!

**hobi!!!!**  
and to you, yixing!!!

**nini**  
pure love

**token straight™**  
im just here to say love actually is great and deserves lots of love

**i hit that stage**  
PREACH

**best boy**  
the good word of jesus

**best boy**  
instead of saying “let there be light”, god said “let there be love actually”

**i hit that stage**  
a wholesome movie

**i hit that stage**  
such a great story line

**peach**  
never seen it

**token straight™**  
h e a t h e n

**[peach’s display name is now the grinch]**

**the grinch**  
h o w

**nini**  
i haven’t seen it either

**[nini’s display name is now max the dog]**

**max the dog**  
respectable

**[the grinch’s display name is now moomoo]**

**moomoo**  
i’m a cow

**max the dog**  
i’m a dog apparently

**poet**  
i’m not dating a fucking dog nini

**poet**  
-oh sehun

**[max the dog’s display name is now universe♡]**

**universe♡**  
go listen to exo’s new winter album, universe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorryz more hosh next time,,, also what’d y’all get for chrima???


	9. do you know de wae?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **the wae**  
>  GOTTA GO WALK MY FISH AND FEED MY CAR

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhhhhhhhh im too tired for this shit have an okay day

**abs  
[21:39]**

**token straight™**  
uhhhhhhh kermit 

**token straight™**  
do you know de wae????

**best boy**  
no i already get enough of this from minghao !!!!

**best boy**  
but yes i do know de wae

**[best boy changed their name to the wae]**

**dance queen**  
uhhhhhhh okay

**i hit that stage**  
t h a t r e m i n d s m e

**[i hit that stage added sorta green kermit, gemijune, and dinosaur to abs]**

**[i hit that stage changed their name to gyummy]**

**[gyummy changed the chat name to hip thrusts]**

**sorta green kermit**  
ooooohhhhhhh soonyoung!!!!!

**gemijune**  
did you miss us???

**dinosaur**  
cause we all missed you!!!!!!!

**hobi!!!!**  
that is s o pure

**taeminnie**  
i feel loved from that wholesome greeting

**gemijune**  
T A E M I N O F S H I N E E

**sorta green kermit**  
don’t tell me you haven’t told him???

**taeminnie**  
tell him what??

**gemijune**  
soonyoung is the BIGGEST shinee fanboy EVER

**sorta green kermit**  
surprised he hasn’t let it show lmao

**taeminnie**  
soonyoung?

**the wae**  
GOTTA GO WALK MY FISH AND FEED MY CAR

**dinosaur**  
e x p o s e d 

**universe♡**  
my psr teacher said we could all say hella so this one kid screamed “JESUS IS HELLA GAY”

**universe♡**  
we all slowly clapped

**moomoo**  
can comfirm

**moomoo**  
i was the kid 

**poet**  
i just woke up and its hella cold

**dance queen**  
its like 10 

**[poet changed their name to sleep deprived]**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i must have loads of patience
> 
> tumblr: smilelyysol  
> twitter: smilelyysol


End file.
